


All I Need Is Pixie Dust

by Littlemisshaleybug



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M, Multi, Shipping, highschool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-26
Packaged: 2018-01-02 05:45:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlemisshaleybug/pseuds/Littlemisshaleybug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tavros has always been a more timid kind of person, there is no doubt about that. However, upon entering high school he has decided to adopt a whole new persona- which doesn't end too well. Now inching his way to his last year, he is unsure of what to do about the mess he has gotten himself into and how to deal with all the new and confusing events he has been forced into.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I hadn't been to the movie theater in over a year.

To put it more clearly I hadn't had the extra cash to go see a movie in over a year. Now that I had gotten my part-time job at the shelter and had helped my father pay off the last of the debts that we owed, I had a little bit of extra that I hadn't yet put into my bank account.

Upon hearing this Vriska, my girlfriend of about four months, had insisted that we go to see the newest thriller on the big screen. Of course, I hadn't intended on telling her anything, but my older brother was sort of reconnecting a friendship with her half sister, and I had no control over whether or not she overheard what they said.

The conversation leading up to thedate had really been an adventure.

'You've got the money, so now I don't have to pay for your ass this time!'

'Wait you never pay for me, I'm always the one to pay for you.'

'cause it's your job as my boyfriend idiot..'

'Besides, just because I have the money in my possession, that doesn't mean I want to just spend it all.'

'What's the hold up cheapskate?'

'Well I don't often have extra cash, and I may need it later. We are still struggling you know.'

'How can you be struggling if you've got fucking extra money?'

'It's only like fifty bucks Vriska.'

'Well, that's still something.'

Long story short, we ended up going.

I grimaced at the woman behind the glass. "One for the horror film please." There wasn't any point in arguing. Even if I didn't want to see it, I was still going to have to no matter what I said.

"I knew you would come around." Vriska scoffed. She always got her way, mostly because I was a total pushover and knew it—and she knew it to. However, as she walked up to the counter to exchange her money with the woman and get her own ticket, a flash of fear went through me.

"Uh, Vriska? I'm not so sure I should actually watch this one."

Vriska shoved her money under the glass window and looked back at me, sighing. "Tav, this is the hottest thriller on the screen right now, you know how much I love these!"

"Yeah, but—"

She took the ticket from the theatre employee and grabbed the front of my shirt. While I stumbled to catch up she dragged me behind one of the huge pillars, where she pinned me against the cool stone and leaned in close, our noses touching and my arms up in what looked like surrender.

"Come on Tavros, don't you want to spend a little time with me?"

My breath came in shallow gasps. "Well yeah, but Tink…"

She ran a finger across my lower lip. "Hmm? What was that about your sister?"

"B-brother." I corrected for the hundredth time. "And he wouldn't want me seeing something like this…" I swallowed as she trailed her long nails down my neck. "I don't want him to—"

Not letting me finish, Vriska took hold of my chin and pressed her lips to mine, sighing in a provocative way as she ran her hands down my arms and to my thighs. I didn't know what else to do, so I froze up to wait for it to be over, and after a few moments of hungrily sucking at my lips, she seemed to have had enough, so she pulled away and began walking to the entrance as if nothing had happened.

Feeling a bit light headed and very flustered, I scrambled to catch up to her.

She always did things like that. Every time she felt I was about to go against her, she would use her charms and all the things that make guys like me squirm, then I would be following her like a lonely puppy. I'm not saying I liked it, because, well, I didn't, but we had known each other for so long, I didn't know any other way of dealing with her. When we were small children in the sandbox she would pull my hair and taunt me until I did whatever she said. In middle school she forced me to carry her books for her when she broke her arm, even if it made me late to my own classes. In freshman year I was forced to drive her car for her while she and a bunch of super sketchy friends got drunk at a party and needed a ride home— I was forced to wait in the car for five hours—And the saddest art was probably that we didn't start dating until a little while ago, with now being only a few weeks from the last day of junior year.

We gave our tickets to the bored looking teen standing just outside the entrance, and he barley even bothered to look at us as he ripped them in half and ushered us inside. I thought I recognized him from school, and I was about to say something, but Vriska was already at the concession stand, so I abandoned the thought and jogged up to her as she was gazing up at the menu with her arms crossed over her chest.

"I hate how everything's so expensive here." She huffed. Vriska hated everything if it didn't benefit her.

"Uh, yeah. Me too."

She turned to me, a glint in her blue eyes, and wrapped her arms around me to lean practically all her weight on me and whine. "Tav, please can you pay for some snacks? It would mean the world to me."

Of course she wanted me to pay. When did I not pay for things? When was I not the one being bent and twisted like a paperclip?

"Sure thing Vriska."

After waiting in line for what seemed like forever we walked away with a huge bucket of popcorn, two large soda's and a box of fruit gummies. Over all it cost about twenty-eight dollars.

Well, you can't put a price on love, I thought, trying to convince myself that it didn't matter.

Letting Vriska pull me by the arm, I entered through the theater as a commercial about a talking dog and cat ended. We found two seats near the front, but stayed about two rows back so we wouldn't be assaulted by the movie.

I wonder if there' still enough time to back out…

"Oh great."

I glanced over at Vriska, concerned by her agitated tone. "What it is?"

"The stupid trailers. I hate them! I tried to waste enough time out there to be able to miss them, but…" she sighed. "Oh well."

My eyes shifted to stare up at the screen and right as I did the scene shifted to a green, lush jungle with small feet running here and there across the camera's vision.

Wait… is it…?

Something large rushed past the screen.

It can't be…

It was. The camera focused on a teenage boy, his sun kissed hair blowing in the wind as he flew across the sky, a flicker of golden light soaring beside him.

"It's a new Peter Pan movie!"

The scene shifted to a heated sword fight between Peter and the evil Capitan Hook. A huge smile spread on my face as I clenched my hands and jumped around like a little kid.

"Come on! It seems totally stupid!"

I looked at her, and upon seeing the utter boredom on her face I lowered my gaze and folded my hands in my lap. "Well, I kind of want to see it…"

"Its barley PG13, it's for kids."

"… So?"

She laughed in a not so humorous way. "You're an idiot."

As the theatre's lights went dim I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and inwardly wished I were in the theatre two doors down, watching the sappy romance that had started playing. To my right Vriska had her hand in the popcorn bucket, staring at the screen without much interest. The music swelled, all high pitched and tense, with whiny violins peppered with vocals that sounded like choirboys wearing pants that were way too tight for them. The title fades in: Blood On The Wall, and then the directors name flashes in our faces, momentarily blinding me.

"God, I fuckin' hate these stupid adds." Vriska moaned. A couple turned around to glare at us

"Umm, it's not an add," I whispered to her. "The movies just starting."

"Well, I hate waiting," she whispered back with annoyance. The music, now punctuated by a dramatically heavy footstep, continued as Vriska grumbled to herself in a more subdued way.

As the movie began, I wondered if there was any way I could stay here and not actually have to focus on the movie. I could have just stared at the wall, but Vriska would have seen and comment on it, besides I would still be able to hear it, and I hadn't brought my music player with me. After a few more desperate ideas I eventually decided that, if I had to stay, I could at least try to enjoy the film, so I settled deeper into the lumpy seat and crossed my arms over my chest to try and block out the theatre's cold air.

The movie started out pretty well, not taking in the fact that most of the characters seemed to be acting over the top for every little thing that happened. It was kind of corny, but a lot of movies were like that, so I just ignored it.

Vriska however wasn't as willing to compromise. After every other line she would lean back and loudly complain about how stupid the characters were and how they all were going to end up in the warehouse, no matter what they said. The couple in front of us kept looking back with angry glares, and every time I could do nothing except sink lower into my chair and hope they didn't say anything to us. After only fifteen minutes of the movie, they got up and moved up two more rows, where Vriska's complaints wouldn't be as easy to hear.

"Those losers finally moved!" Vriska hissed gleefully, but I just shook my head.

The music in the movie became eerily quiet, suddenly drawing my attention back, and in a split second something flashed across the screen, causing me and half the theatre's occupants to shriek.

I cowered into the corner of my seat, and with a snarky laugh Vriska wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

The movie just took a horrible turn for the worse after that. The teenagers knew something was behind them, and the only place to hide was… of course… the abandoned building everyone in town had said was haunted. As they walked through the forest, all I could do was wonder in fear which one of them was going to be the first to die. Please not the nine year olds… not the kids…

I didn't want to be here. Not even Vriska's rare sign of comfort was enough to ease my anxiety. I peaked up at the screen through my fingers, but again the creature came out, and I yelped, burying my face deep in Vriska's side.

Think happy thoughts… Happy thoughts… I looked up briefly, Oh my God that thing ripping her throat out!

"Oh G-God… oh my God…" I reached up and tugged at Vriska's shirt lightly. "Vriska?"

"What?" She worked her mouth around the popcorn inside it.

"C-C-Can we please go? This is… Uh… this is r-really upsetting…"

"Upsetting," she scoffed. "But we're at the first good part in the whole movie! Come on you don't want to be a pussy, do you?"

No, I didn't. I wanted to look tough and cool, but I couldn't do that while a bloodthirsty beast was running wild and chasing a group of children into an abandoned factory. The screams echoed in my ears, making me shiver despite my best efforts, and when I glanced up to see what was happening I saw the dismembered body of a young girl scattered in a bloody pool across the floor, her eyes still moving to watch the monster rip her friend in half.

I just couldn't take it.

My stomach suddenly did a cartwheel. My hand flew up to my mouth, and Vriska was left to watch as I bolted up from the chair and ran out of the theater, holding my palm over my maw and praying that I could hold out until I got to the men's room.

I only got as far as the trashcan outside the theater before I doubled over and vomited with a painful lurch of my stomach. Out of the corner of my eye I saw some people staring at me, but again I was had to lean into the can and force everything inside me out. Tears were stinging in my eyes because of the pain, and the acid was burning my throat agonizingly.

Why the hell am I here? Why did I agree to this? This is so unbelievably embarrassing…

Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I turned with watery eyes to see who had pitied me enough to come to my aid.

It was the bored looking man who had taken our tickets; only upon closer inspection he looked to be only a year or two older than me, if that. He had dark messy hair and a long face, but I couldn't see his eyes in the relative dim lighting of the hallway.

I felt like I was going to cry, but I knew I couldn't. What would Vriska have thought if I started crying? What would this person think if I was crying?

That was when he spoke.

"You're gonna be alright… its cool man, you're gonna be fine…"

He was comforting me. Me, the guy who sucked at everything. The guy who was a fake, annoying little douche. Me…

And then, as I stared at him, it was all too much. I abruptly turned away, and that was when I leaned far into the trashcan and retched harder than I ever had in my life.

While I vomited the boy brushed my hair back with one hand and rubbed my shoulders with the other. I could hear him making low, soothing sounds, and that, matched with the incredibly calm air that hung about him, truly worked to help ease me, and after a few long moments I was able to pull myself from the now disgusting trashcan. Shaky, I took a couple steps, but I almost fell to my knees. Luckily, the ticket guy caught me just in time, and with surprising strength he lifted me from underneath the arms and helped me lean against the wall.

"Th-thank you…" I managed to say.

"Wait here bro, I'll be right back."

The strong hands left me, and for a moment I had a burst of anxiety, but it was only moments later before they were back. One arm wrapped around my shoulders, while his other hand came to my face with a wad of paper towels and wiped my mouth of the bile hanging on my lips.

I couldn't hold it back anymore. Tears began streaming down my face, fueled by both embarrassment and exhaustion.

"Hey now, don't cry," He lifted my chin and smiled. "Don't let tears ruin that face 'a yours."

My lips forced themselves into a small smile like they always did, but for some reason this time it felt a little less forced. It was probably because someone was showing me kindness rather than cruelty, and I wasn't used to that. Maybe he could tell, or maybe not, but the guy responded with a crooked-toothed grin. It suited him.

"Um, hello? Torea-snore?"

We both looked up to find Vriska looking down at us with a raised eyebrow, her hands on her hips impatiently. It kind of looked like there was a bit of hidden concern in her eyes, but it was kind of hard to tell when her face was mask of annoyance.

"Oh, sorry miss," The guy was still smiling, a little different from before, but still smiling none the less. "This guy belong to you?"

"Yeah, he does. At least he did before he ran out of the theatre without even saying why. What the hell are you doing on the floor anyways Nitram?"

"Uh, well," I licked my lips, which still tasted of bile, and grimaced. "I-I must have eaten something bad before we got here, and I puked it up."

"Figures, that sounds like you."

The guy was still crouching beside me, looking up at Vriska with that lazy smile. The way he looked up at her and she almost glared down at him was staring to make me a bit nervous, but finally Vriska broke the gaze first by rolling her eyes as she shifted her footing.

"Anyways, let's go Tav. It's obvious we can't go back in that movie now or else you're tummy issues will get in the way." She looked down at her phone to answer a text that had it buzzing, and I took the chance to steal another glance at the ticket guy. He was now looking at me with that lazy smile, and it was so friendly I couldn't help but smile back.

"Thanks for helping me, I really, really appreciate it."

"No problem brother, that's what I'm here for."

When Vriska looked up from her phone she nudged me with her foot, signaling she was ready to go, so the guy and I both got up and shook hands before Vriska dragged me by the arm away and out the door. Her car was cold as usual when we got in, and when she dropped me off and leaned in for her goodnight kiss and I had to explain how bad an idea it would be to kiss me with puke-breath she just rolled her eyes with annoyance and kicked me out of the vehicle, driving off in a blaze of exhaust and rock music.

That night my bed had never been more welcoming.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tavros comes to school the following Monday, and though everything appears to be normal, something big is approaching, a face from his past that no one expected, or wanted, to see again.

Chapter 2

When I got back to school that Monday morning I was glad to see Nepeta crouching her usual fashion in front of her locker, her back to me. I didn't want to disturb her so I crept to my locker as quietly as I could.

But, it was no use. Her head turned slightly upon the sound hitting her ears, and then she spun around to flash a bright smile my way.

"Tavros!"

I smiled in return, lowering my hand from my lock to turn and face her. " Hey there Nepeta, how are you?"

She rose to her feet, straightening her large jacket a bit. "Purtty good, an yourself?"

"I'm alright." It was nice hanging around Nepeta. She wasn't ever mean or pushy, and her energy was refreshing. "Has Equius not arrived yet?"

"Hmph," She crossed her arms, and I saw that she had her cell phone in her hand. "No he hasn't. The big lump woke up later than usual, an had to hop into the shower as quick as pawsible so he wouldn't stink."

I nodded in understanding. "Ah. Yes, that was probably for the best." Without his strict hygiene procedures, Equius did tend to become rather unpleasant to hang around. A daily shower was absolutely necessary every day.

"Anyways, Tavfuros, do you have the notes for vet-science? I was absent Furiday and forgot to ask until now."

My eyebrows raised and I nodded. "Sure, would you like to borrow them?"

"Yes please, would that be alright with you?"

"Of course!" I turned back to my locker and reset my lock to start again. "Couldn't you ask Equius? Uh, not that I'm complaining, but he has the class too."

She leaned on the lockers with her hands behind her. "Well yeah, but he has it same as me, third period, an we gotta study for the test."

Messing up on the combination and cursing, I started again. "I have a test too you know."

"Yeah, but you're so good, you've purrobably been studying for a whole week now right? You're the best in that class Tav!"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I suppose." With a metallic click the lock cam undone, but when I went to pull it open, like it had done a hundred other times the door refused to open. I cursed once again and went to pound on it to loosen it, but then I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder.

"Allow me."

The hand went to replace mine on the handle after I quickly retracted it, and with hardly a struggle at all the thing came swinging open.

"Thank you Equius, I owe you one."

He shrugged a fraction of an inch and adjusted his glasses, which were still tinted darker from being outside. The transition in them must have been broken, because they were always partially shaded while indoors, and he had a strap hanging loosely around his neck to catch them whenever then fall, so he wouldn't have to buy a new pair or deal with it every time they broke. "If you agree to lend Nepeta your notes, I will consider it an even transaction."

I agreed and pulled out my textbook.

All three of us usually got to school rather early, so there were only a few other students passing here and there in the halls as I retrieved my notes from my binder and handed them to Nepeta, who thanked me with a hug and a kiss to the cheek. We followed Equius to his locker, and then strolled together through the hallways until the first bell rang, then I said my farewell and turned the opposite direction toward the classroom that I was expected in.

Class went on like usual, I did my work, took my notes, then as soon as the bell rang got up and left to do the same thing in the second class, except this time I had a friend.

Feferi and I didn't often talk much when we were younger, but lately we tended to have classes together, so we were able to talk often. My second period I had algebra two, and both Nepeta and Feferi shared the class with me. An even better stroke of luck was that our teacher had let us choose our own seats, so the three of us sat in the second row, with Nepeta in the middle and the remaining on either side.

Today Feferi had the side of her hair pulled back in a delicate gold pin, and often fiddled with it as she spoke. "I've been to the moon an back with my tutor about these darn equations so I beta get at least a C on this practice test!"

Nepeta giggled at her demeanor and I had to smile too. "Don't worry, it is only practice for the final next week, so uh, even if you do poorly, it's not for a grade, and we'll probably even go over them in class after they're graded."

"Yeah!" Nepeta chimed in. "And mister Droog'll answer any questions you have— as long as you don't ask too many. You know how he gets."

"Oh yeah I do, that's why he scares me!"

At that moment Mr. Droog called for silence and the entire class obeyed as he handed out the practice packets. The few times anyone had dared to disrupt his class they had given them detention and sent them immediately to the principals office, and the students who couldn't handle it either dropped or begged to be switched out, so the small class that was left was as efficient and rule abiding as an army.

The test wasn't too hard. At least I wasn't fumbling over myself trying to decide whether or not I had ever even seen these equations before— once when I glanced over to my side I saw that Nepeta had that covered.

We were allowed all the way up to when the bell rang to finish, and though I and Nepeta turned ours in well before, Feferi waited until Mr. Droog was literally right in front of her glaring dangerously with his hand out before she relinquished it into his hand. From what I glimpsed on her Scranton she hadn't left anything blank, so I was rather confused.

"I was checking ever little thing," Feferi stated as we left the room together. "I wanted it to be as perfect as it possibly could."

"We already told you silly, save all that energy fur the real thing!"

Feferi pouted her lips, practically puckering. "Well you sure turned yours in early miss sassy guppy! Someone cheatin' off her genius neighbor?"

"I-I'm not a gen—"

"Of course not! I just skipped the ones I didn't know and moved right along to what I did know! Whish was…" Now Nepeta adjusted one of her many beanies and laughed with an embarrassed tone. "… Not much actually."

"You goof!"

We shared a laugh, then stopped at the corner where Nepeta always had to go down a different hallway then us. "So guys! I'm working on a thing in art, wanna see a picture during lunch today?"

I nodded and Feferi giggled. "Sure thing! We should meet by the tree today then right?"

"Mmhmm, same place as usual. I'll bring Equius too if that's okay."

"You know that's always fine Kitty-fish. Just remind him to behave!"

Flashing her teeth with a grin Nepeta nods. "I will, bye guys!" We waved as she did, all of us walking again until we passed the corner and Nepeta was completely out of sight.

"Um by the way Feferi," She turned to lend me her attention as I pointed to her hair. "is that pin new? I haven't seen you wear it before."

From the way she lit up you would have thought I had proposed to her. "You like it? It was a gift for my birthday, but it came in the mail late so I didn't get it until April, and then I forgot to wear it until today! I can be SO FORGETFUL sometimes!"

I smiled as I remembered her birthday party. Every time someone handed her a present she looked as if Christmas came early, and everyone was sore from her hugs by the end of the night, but it was still fun.

"So Tav, did you study for the test?"

I nodded, adjusting the strap of my backpack a little bit. "Yes, I don't have my notes though."

"Oh? Why not? The first ten minutes of the test are open notes aren't they?"

"I let Nepeta borrow them; she wasn't in class Friday so she wasn't able to review like the rest of us."

She puckered her lips again before giggling and pinching my cheek. "You are such a CUTIE Tavros! A super sweet, absolute Q-T!"

I made a protesting sound and swatted her hand away without seeming at all annoyed and followed her into the Vet-Science classroom, the other students were jabbering away around us, and Feferi joined them immediately.

Most of the things that were on the test were anatomy and vocabulary, so I was able to finish it with twenty minutes of class time to spare. I used this time to pull out my cell phone as inconspicuously as possible and check the messages that I had missed during the day.

None.

Oh well, it hadn't been like I expected them anyways. I just wanted to make sure.

Since we needed to be quiet for the rest of the class period I used that time to finish up reading the chapter my English teacher had assigned. Unlike a lot of the other books I've had to read for school, this one was very good. Ender's Game was very compelling, and though it was brutal and angry in the way it depicted the treatment of children in wartime, it was exhilarating and I found myself engrossed in the middle of the next chapter when the bell rang and I was forced to reluctantly stick my bookmark in and close it.

Feferi jabbered on about several things involving the test and how intensely she had prepared for it all the way through the school until we reached the quad that sat in the middle between the two classroom buildings, D and P, and the main office. We found Equius and Nepeta sitting on the quilt Nepeta always brought to school so we wouldn't have to get grass stains from the small patch of green beneath one of the small trees scattered around.

This little ragtag group had used to also include Vriska, but she had quickly grown bored with us and instead turned to sneaking out of the school to do god knows what off campus. Often Aradia and Sollux would join us as well, but today they were both off on a Physics field trip with the rest of their class, so I didn't expect to see them until after school, if at all. Aradia enjoyed pulling Sollux on unusual adventures.

When we sat down on the quilt Nepeta offered me some iced tea from her thermos, and since it was so warm I gratefully accepted.

"So common Nepeta, you had something you wanted to show us?" Feferi asked as I silently offered her the thermos. Nepeta brought it to share, rather than for herself.

Her eyes sparkled as she pulled out a large stiff piece of paper from a pouch-like thing, holding it up in the bright sunlight and revealing a surprisingly detailed self portrait of Nepeta herself, the mischievous smirk caught in the frozen moment of time near perfectly matching that of the one Nepeta wore at that very moment.

She held it around so all three of us could see it, and we applauded it as if we were in an art gallery.

"Absolutely beautiful Nepeta! I adore it! And you have such an eye for DETAIL!"

As Nepeta giggled a thank you Equius guided her arm so the picture was entirely in his view. "Very exceptional work. You truly have outdone your previous skills, as I expected you would."

"Aw you guys, you're too nice!"

"No, it deserves it," I shuffled over behind Equius so I could look over his firm shoulder and see. "Did you draw it freehand, or did you look at a picture as you worked?"

"The assignment was to use a picture the teacher takes of you and mimic it with charcoal as accurately as possible."

We all assured her that she had accomplished the task perfectly. Feferi and Nepeta began chattering back and fourth about how nice and sweet the art teacher Miss Peindre was, leaving Equius and I to make small talk about the test as we chewed on our lunches. Then, after Nepeta's careful but quick hands slid the masterpiece back neatly into the sleeve her face suddenly took on a brightness of recollection and she spun back around to face us so quickly that her beanie flew off her head.

"Shit that's right! I've gotta tell you guys something! Something huge!"

Feferi and I immediately gave her our attention, if not for the fact that Nepeta's voice was so shrill with seriousness. "What's wrong?"

"You aren't gonna believe whose coming back to the school next year."

We shared a look of confusion before looking back at the small girl who was looking at us with such intensity we felt a little scared to find out who was allegedly coming.

"Gosh, you guys really forgot already? Cause he didn't completely embarrass all of us and basically make dozens of people's lives a living hell or nothing."

At that Feferi's eyes widened, and Nepeta nodded gravely. "No glubbing way."

I didn't figure out what was going on until I heard it spoken aloud, but when I did, I could literally feel my heart skip a beat.

"Yep, Gamzee's coming back."

6


	3. Chapter 3

“What do you mean he’s coming back? I thought he was expelled from the district years ago!”  
“He was, but apparently he’s being let back in for good behavior or something. Aw man…” As Nepeta slumped forward Equius replaced the beanie to its rightful place, seemingly unphased by the shocking news, and this didn’t seem right to me.  
“Uh, Equius?”  
“Yes.”  
“Didn’t you, y-you know, hear her?”  
“Yes.” He repeated in a more sure tone. “However this unpleasant news had already reached my ears some time ago. There is no reason for me to react again.”  
His response didn’t surprise me.   
“Oh what’re we gonna DO?” Feferi whined as she fell back onto the quilt, her legs folding modestly so as not to flash what was under her skirt. “I was looking forward to a drama free senior year, but with Eridan coming back from Britain, an now all this Gamzee stuff… Aw GLUB this school’s gonna EXPLODE!”  
As everyone stayed in silence of mourning their once peaceful lives, a thought came to my mind of which made me freeze, then slowly lower the hand which had been holding up my head and sat a little straighter.  
“Maybe… Maybe things won’t be as bad as we think they will.”  
All eyes immediately turned to me.  
“What’re you talkin’ about Tavros?”  
“I-I mean he’s being let back into the district on good behavior right? Usually those things don’t get forgiven so easily, so maybe he’s sorry for all the stuff that happened.”  
“Tavros come on,” Feferi propped herself up with her elbows and seemed almost tired. “Do you really believe the things that are coming out of your mouth?”  
I shifted uncomfortably. “Well I was just—”  
“I highly doubt that glubbing maniac is ready to give up his little game. He’s probably coming back to make things ten times worse then they were before.”  
I had never heard Feferi talk like this. She was almost a different person, but then again I didn’t really expect her to agree with me. I wasn’t even entirely sure I agreed with myself either. “Well we should at least give him a chance to redeem himself.”  
Suddenly Nepeta slapped both her hands down onto her textbook, making us both jump, and then my anxiety spiked even higher than it already was when I saw the anger in her eyes.   
“No! I will not give that monster a second chance Tavros, an I defiantly won’t forgive him! No matter what he does or how much he pleads. Even if he begs me on his knees! I will not!”  
Equius’ large hand found it’s way to her shoulder. “At ease Nepeta, it is not worth your attention.”  
“No Equius, he needs to listen! I need to tell him!” She shook his hand off, and he did nothing to try and stop her a second time. “Tavros, please, I don’t wanna argue, but you’ve gotta understand that Gamzee threw away our friendships the moment he did those nasty things”  
Feferi nodded enthusiastically, sitting up fully. “Yes, yes! Absolutely right! He crossed the line and made us look like morons!”  
“Miss Feferi while I do understand your involvement and anger toward the one of which we’re referring, you are still unable to comprehend the severity of which we three take his actions.”  
Nepeta spoke again after her muscled friend before Feferi could get in an indignant word, and I still will never figure out how she could manage to roll her R’s in such a way even in a serious moment such as this. “Yeah, sorry Feferi, but you did have it the easiest out of all of us regardin’ the Gamzee situation. Not saying you didn’t go through hell that year too, but with this current topic, you may just wanna sit back an listen.”  
Lucky for us Feferi was much more levelheaded than most other girls with her disposition, so she just folded her arms and did as she was told.  
“Equius an I tried to help him when he was at his worst, or what we had thought was his worst. At that Time Tavros was goin’ through some serious stuff, an though I fully understand why he was an it’s not his fault in the slightest, he wasn’t around to help talk Gamzee down. You know what happened to me an Equius, but Tav had to go through much different stuff cause of that douche bag.” She turned to face me, not with concern in her eyes. “Honestly, I dunno how you’re managing to defend him Tav, after all, he did, well you know…”  
I understood what she was referring to, but I shrugged my shoulders instead of agreeing like the coward I was.  
I didn’t know why either.

* * *  
The rest of lunch had been awkwardly silent, even Feferi, but luckily the bell rang soon and we all murmured goodbyes as we got up and left in our separate directions.  
I was glad to find that my last three classes went by in a blur, like I was watching everything transpire through a screen and I was simply going through the motions to get done. This feeling was all too familiar, and though I hated it, I felt like I had so many times before and convinced myself that I deserved to be numb for a little while, I had just received shocking news after all.  
I only came out of my stupor when I found myself with the key to my front door in my hand hovering barely an inch from the lock.  
Gamzee was coming back,  
As little information as that was, it sent a million worries flooding through my mind. Was he still dangerous? Would he seek me out and try to hurt me like he said he would? A lot of time had passed since the last time I had spoken to him, so he was bound to have changed like everyone else had. For worse or for better, I just didn’t know.  
After kicking off my sandals and setting them to the side near the door I dragged my tired body into the kitchen to dump my backpack on the wooden dinner table and pour myself a much needed glass of water. I didn’t expect the drink to make me feel better, but quenching a thirst I hadn’t known I had made me feel a little more relaxed, though honestly being at home defiantly made me feel about ten times better already.  
Not knowing if anyone was home, and not particularly caring, I brought my refilled glass with me down the autumn colored hallway and into the tiny space of salvation more commonly known as my bedroom.  
Our house was originally built in the seventies, so all the decor was painfully retro. I literally had to refuse to allow some of my friends over just to keep them from either poking fun at me the entire time or practically wrestle them down to keep them from redecorating. Wood paneling covered every inch of our walls that wasn’t already covered by brick or tile. There was always a warm feeling in this house, it was like a sanctuary, a holy place that I could run to when the world was too cruel or too scary. Sure it creaked and moaned late at night, and the electric system sometimes gave us trouble, but that was all perfectly fine by me. I loved the tacky rugs and retro amber colored chandelier, it was all I had ever known throughout my whole childhood, and inside these walls had been the perfect place to grow up.  
God… Gamzee is seriously coming back… Recalling the gruesome memories made me feel a bit like the room was spinning around me as I lay flat on my mattress. I hoped I wouldn’t be sick.  
Things could get violent, maybe even bloody, if he showed his face again. Actually, I was almost certain that someone was going to get hurt. The look I had seen in his bloodshot eyes was one of an animal, fighting his way out of a cage, seeing himself cornered every time he turned around, and lashing out with manic fury at anything it saw. Maybe it wouldn’t happen now, but it was going to happen. As long as he was around, we weren’t safe.  
But did I really believe that?  
As I closed my tired eyes and opened my mind, inviting the memories in at a slow and controlled pace, I also saw the gentle way his eyes would follow a bird taking flight, the slow way his lips pulled into a smile, and the relaxed way his arms would hang from his shoulders as he walked. I could recall the way he called every single one of our names and spoke in absolute nonsense that made perfect sense to him, how loud and heartfelt he sounded when he laughed— Then the delirious cackling rang through my head and bounced against my skull to make my body jolt in sudden fear. After I reminded myself that I was safe I groaned and fell back onto my pillow with my hand covering my eyes.  
Gamzee would never be the same person after that. How could he? He was too far gone for anyone to get to. But maybe if I had just…  
No! No I couldn’t think like that. I already knew what I could have and should have done, but I didn’t. I was busy dealing with my own problems. I had gone over this far too many times to be bothered with it now— Even though I knew it would never really go away.  
Why was I reacting so strongly to this again? It had been so long, shouldn’t I have forgotten what if felt like? It was probably because I had repressed and forgotten everything so completely before, I never really got time to really contemplate the future rather than the past. Regardless of what I did Gamzee was returning and was going to once again be a factor in my life, the only problem was that I did not know whether he would be a friend or a foe.  
I couldn’t deal with this alone, I needed to talk to someone, to bounce my ideas and get some, any kind of advice, so I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and flipped it open to text the one person I hoped would make any sense of all this.

Aradia, Are you there? There are some things going on  
that I would really like to talk to you about,

Oh please, please answer me. I didn’t know how long I could stand this kind of feeling without having some sort of attack.  
Lucky for me my phone vibrated with an answer almost immediately.

hey tavros what’s up? everything okay?

No, I don’t think so, I just received some rather  
upsetting news…

is it the whole thing going on with gamzee coming  
back?

Why is it that everyone is finding this out   
before me?

i don’t know! i find things out in weird ways   
anyways, it’s not a totally weird thing for me to  
know something before you 

Oh yeah, I suppose you’re right, I’m sorry,

don’t need to be, I’m not mad! 0u0 but what’s up?

Well I’ve been feeling kind of sick since I found   
out,

understandable, considering what’s happened  
between the two of you, but just try to relax   
okay? remember what I taught you?

Yes, Uh, The picking a memory and putting  
it away thing, Right?

Yep that’s the one! Good job!

I didn’t know how she did it, but jus after a few minutes of messaging back and forth she had managed to soothe me.

So what am I supposed to do when I see him again?

well, what do you think you should do? it   
all depends on you and how you decide to   
handle the situation.

I had hoped you wouldn’t say that, It’s all too  
confusing to figure out on my own,

you can do it tavros!

,,,,,

your period key still not working?

It hasn’t for like four years now, I’m not fixing  
it now

haha! that’s so like you!  
but all joking aside tavros I am serious  
no one can tell you what you’ve got to do  
you have to figure it out on your own

Do you think he’s really going to try and hurt   
Me like he said he was going to?

even i don’t know anything for sure tavros,  
but what I do know is that people are always   
changing, so there may be a chance for many   
things to happen

Uh, You’re talking very criptically again,

do you want my help?

Yes yes I do, sorry,

what i’m saying is that i know things have   
been tough, you know i do, and they’re going   
to get worse if you don’t choose what to do  
on your own

So what you’re saying is that I am in  
charge of my own destiny?

i’m saying that either things will go right, or  
they’ll go horribly wrong

As little sense as she was making, it actually made perfect sense once I looked at it from closer to her perspective.

Do you think that he is still dangerous?

i’m not too sure, but are you scared he will be?

Aren’t you? I mean after how badly he hurt  
Equius and Nepeta

but he was also a close friend, right? dont give   
up! you’ve gotta take charge of your life tav!

No, I don’t want to do that, Don’t you   
remember the last time I tried that?

well do it without being a dick this time!

Alright, Arguing with you is always a waste  
of time, because you are often right, So I   
will take your word for it,

good boy 0u0

Thanks aradia, I knew I could count on   
you, oh and I’ve got to go but I will talk to  
you later,

okay, bye dork!

I truly hopes she was right, and that things would be fine, because I really didn’t know how I would react to them not. I already had a breakdown once in my life, I didn’t want to do it again.  
Aradia always helped to make sense of the jumbled stressful thoughts that cluttered my mind, so now that I was put to ease I was able to focus on my homework and finish relatively quickly. My nose was buried in my class book again when I heard the front door open and close with a creak and a slam. I lifted my head and paused to listen for a moment, and when I didn’t hear the heavy footsteps of either Rufioh junior or senior I put the book down and exited my room to greet Tink at the door.  
He was toeing off his shoes when I came in, and when he flashed me his familiar grin I couldn’t help but return it.   
As the oldest sibling Tink worked full time at the pet supply store down town, and since he still lived at home he had to pay for the groceries and fill the family truck’s gas tank once every week. Times were tough around the house. This wasn’t a problem for him though, because Tink was very responsible and did whatever he could to keep the family happy.  
That was when I noticed the plastic bags hanging off his arms, weighing him down and seeming quite heavy all together, so I rushed up to him and took more than half off his parson as I insisted on helping him.  
My concern earned a gentle chuckle and his thanks. “I was afraid my arms were going to stretch like taffy!”  
“No problem. Were you okay on cash this time?” I asked, following him into the kitchen, where we both set down the groceries after I hauled my school bag off of the table to make room.  
“No I was fine, though I did have to put the ice cream away this time.” When I sagged my shoulders in disappointment he smiled in a guilty way and ruffled my hair with his gentle hand. “sorry buddy, I’ll get some next time, okay? I promise.”  
Hearing that I smiled and nodded to show that I wasn’t upset. “Alright that’s fine. Would you like some help putting things away?”  
“Yes please!”  
We then proceeded to store all the food in it’s proper places, and as I helped him we began talking about out our days. He told me about a stray cat getting into the shop and finding him in the cat nip toys, and since I trusted him so much I told him about what Nepeta had told me during lunch.  
“You haven’t spoken to him since the meeting with the principle right?”  
I was stacking cans in the pantry as I shook my head.  
“How do you feel about all this?”  
“I’m not sure yet… Scared? Excited? Mostly just confused and nervous. I have no idea what’s going to happen.”   
He nodded in understanding and opened the fridge. “Well you have every right to feel the away you do Tavros, that boy put you through a lot.”  
“I know, but, I-I still want to see him and talk to him. Is that bad?”  
“Not bad, just dangerous. It makes me worried about you.”  
I leaned against the counter and frowned. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to make you worry, but its just hard cause it seems like I’m the only one that really wants to know if he’s alright. Everyone else just wants him gone.”  
Tink paused a moment to glance over at me with sadness in his eyes, and I knew he understood what I was feeling. “I don’t want him gone Tavros, I just want him not to hurt you again. Don’t you remember—”  
“Yes, I remember, and I remember the reason I locked myself in my room for all hours of the day had nothing to do with him. It was… More complicated. Gamzee just added a little onto it.”  
“Even so, I don’t trust him, not yet. Maybe one day, after he’s proven himself, but until then, no.”  
It was foolish to think he would have reacted any other way. “I understand…”  
“Good boy. Now, help me with dinner, the others will be home soon.”  
That night, after cooking with Tink and eating dinner with my father and other brother, I lay in my bed and stared up at the ceiling with my phone off to purposely ignore any texts from Vriska, since I was already too emotionally spent to deal with one of her flitting moods. If she got mad, I would tell her my phone died and take the punch that was coming to me, but all that I could focus on was wondering what Gamzee was doing at that moment, and hoping that he was somehow even half the friend he had once been.


End file.
